Elusive Peace

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. John 14:27

 

As scriptures go, this one is my favorite to read, again and again; to ponder and consider for moments on end when I have the chance to be quiet within my own thoughts. The transitory nature of my religious beliefs over the past few years notwithstanding, my life has turned into a quest to find that point, that sweet spot where my heart is not troubled.
 

Hallowed Ground

I sat in the car, my blood pressure rising by degrees each time the car seemed to sink deeper in the Missouri mud beneath.  The kids squirmed restlessly in their seats.  I couldn’t blame them.  I was squirming in mine.  I wanted to turn the car around and abandon the search we were on.  It was wet and cold and time for lunch.  I

Love Unconditional

I have heard about the concept of “unconditional love” since my Primary days.  Unconditional love was the kind of love Jesus loved us with.  Heavenly Father did, too.  Remember this simple little song?

For the good times...

This morning on the treadmill I found myself distracted by memories and smells that seemed to come out of nowhere.  For me, this is edging a bit too close to danger.  Not because of the memories, but because of the apparatus moving beneath my feet. There is a reason I am a writer and not a dancer.  I am so much safer sitting in my office chair in front of my laptop than I am, well, walking. 

Dear family & friends

Dear Family and Friends,

I understand why many of you were deeply concerned with my previous letter.  I would like to address many of your concerns after I sent it.  I’m also aware that my original letter was a bit long and most, if not all of you haven’t read through it.  For those of you who read or skimmed though it you probably noticed that most of it was quotes and documents that I pulled from my own personal research.  So I apologize for those of you who weren’t interested in reading or seeing that stuff.

Dear ...

I’m really not sure who I should put after the “Dear” in the greeting for this letter.  Truth is, I know perfectly well this will never leave my computer.  Where do I start?

 

Dear Ward Family?  That’s not accurate anymore I guess.  I’m not sure I feel that connection, at least not in the way I used to.  But then, every family has a black sheep. So maybe there is a place for me.

Dear Friends?  Something is missing for that to be truthful anymore.

What Is Real

By Oliver D. Anonymous

MIDWAY upon the journey of our life

I found myself within a forest dark,

For the straightforward pathway had been lost.

– The Divine Comedy, Inferno Canto I:1-3

When Dante awoke to himself, lost in a forest, he couldn’t remember how he had arrived, where he was, or the way he should go. Stumbling through the wood, with a bitterness of soul likened to death, he made his way to the highest point he could see, the Mount Delectable. But as he began the ascent, his way

EXCOMMUNICATION

"Brother John, it is the unanimous decision of this council that you be excommunicated from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."   I felt my heart sink, my eyes broke contact, my expression fell, my chest seemed to sink and as I went numb I felt the air pass out of my lungs like I had just forgot to breathe.   I didn't know what to do next.  I stood up from where I had been sitting, I didn't wait for anyone to grab me or try to

The Death of the Black and White Worldview

I was raised that life was made up of absolutes.  No wiggle room, no compromise.  Some things were to the left, some were to the right.  Everything fell on one side of the line or the other.  Gray area was not a concept I learned until I was an adult.  Growing up in the Church reinforced that view of the world.

The Burrow

            When I rode into Silverthorne, Colorado for my Field Work experience, my life was falling apart. My marriage was back together, though barely.  My novel about a boy and his recluse father was dying a slow death. My children would be left with their dad for the longest period in our family’s history. And a knot formed in my stomach against all the unknowns.  I didn’t know where Dad and I would be setting up the

One Eternal Round

A few years ago, I was desperate to talk to anyone who could give me some answers, direction or advice.  I was in a very dark place mentally, spiritually and emotionally.  I turned to apologetics, which provided some temporary answers.  In the end, it gave me much more