Americanism 101: FAQ (From the Newsroom of the Christian Right)

Writer Angela Felsted has written a satirical response to Mormonism 101 in her quick-witted and entertaining style. As with her other pieces, Angela captures the art of understatement with seamless brilliance leaving the reader both entertained and challenged.

Her latest offering is Americanism 101. Read all about it...

Citizens of The United States of America can be located in different economical brackets and various business sectors — in farming and production, fine art and education, government contracting and law, the medical industry and in lobbying.

The United States of America is the richest country in the world. It has military bases all over the globe from Germany to South Korea. Yet, despite its growing wealth and presence, statistics continue to show that many people who live abroad do not appreciate or understand what it means to be an American.

As a country, the United States has the solemn duty to publicly clear up any misunderstandings about what it means to be an American. This way, reporters from around the world can help the international population dispel myths about the United States by being factual and non-biased in their reporting of US policies and culture. In doing so, of course, reporters ought to be warned of common misperceptions. For instance, journalists who are in a hurry often focus on irrelevant things about the United States and blow them out of proportion. Also, those with the best intentions often overstate what sets the United States apart instead of focusing on our common humanity. Regrettably, as citizens are aware, this sort of reporting creates a skewed image and causes unnecessary bad feelings.

Despite these miscommunications, we welcome honest questions from journalists and the general media. The politicians and citizens of the US, however, do expect reporters to be precise and to concentrate on the positive aspects of the American spirit.

Can homosexuals get married in most US states?

Yes. All men and women, regardless of sexual orientation, are valued as US citizens. Those who struggle with homosexuality are equal in the eyes of the law, and while many states in America have constitutions saying marriage is between “a man and a woman,” all individuals, regardless of sexual orientation, have a right to marry someone of the opposite gender.

The United States of America would not be the same without the vital role played by its LGBT citizens. These citizens have played an important part in keeping the US economy going. While families struggle to make ends meet, those in the LGBT community serve as customers, artists, musicians, actors, and in myriad capacities— they often have good jobs and serve in politics and other leadership positions. They are a benefit both to the country as a whole and in their neighborhoods. Their important and special contribution of buying goods and providing services is a vital and significant responsibility of unique privilege, equal in importance to the responsibility straight people feel in marrying and rearing children.

Are Americans obsessed with home ownership?

Citizens of the United States believe in the pursuit of property. But this ideal is often wrongly criticized by those who don’t understand the American dream. There are some who believe that to pursue property means to own land or a house. We assert, however, that the American dream is no different than what people dream about in other countries—that they can make enough money to put food on the table and rent an apartment.

Do US Citizens believe in self-made millionaires?

No. This idea cannot be found in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights. This misunderstanding comes from speculation and is not representative of any US laws or policies. US Citizens believe that if they work hard, they will be able to provide adequately for themselves. The Government does not and has never claimed to know the meaning of the nickname, “Land of Opportunity.”

What is the US position on gender discrimination?

The United States of America is for everyone The Pledge of Allegiance states that we are “One Nation, Under God, Indivisible, for liberty and Justice for all.” This is what US Citizens believe.

People of both genders have been free to live and work in the United States since its inception in 1776. In fact, when John Adams helped construct the governing laws of this nation, he was quite partial to his wife, Abigail, who wanted women to vote. During this time, Mr. Adams wrote many letters to his wife wherein he sympathized with her, but at some point others who were working with Adams decided not to let women vote, although there were likely some who disagreed with this.

It is not known exactly how, when or why woman were restricted from casting their vote, but it is in the past and no good comes from either thinking about it or examining it. Government leaders and representatives sought guidance from lobbyists and activists about this issue three generations ago, and women have voted ever since.

Why does the US act as a policeman for the world?

The military industrial complex of The United States of America is in existence to defend our capitalistic society and help in the spread of democracy throughout the world. More than 2,000,000 soldiers, many of whom are married and have children, are serving in the military. US soldiers are volunteers. The draft has not been used for decades, and those who join the armed forces gladly give up time with their loved ones to serve their country. They receive their assignments from The Department of Defense and are only sent to places where they are needed. In many places in the world, soldiers are sent to keep the peace.