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Where Does That Leave Me?

When I was first seriously considering the possibility that the Church wasn’t the one and only true Church I immediately sought out where this leaves me spiritually. Where exactly does this leave me in relation to God? Jesus Christ? This quickly became my next big focus.

Because if I were to reject the Mormon faith, what kind of faith would I end up with?

I vividly remember my first interaction with Bob McCue. I was on the phone with him, explaining my situation. He was one of a select few that offered a listening ear and some very sound advice to me in my time of need. One of the first things I asked him was where he was spiritually now that he has left the Church. He was very hesitant and responded, “I suppose I’m agnostic. But I find that question very difficult to answer.”

In a lot of ways, his answer scared me. So, if someone as smart as Bob hasn’t come to a concise conclusion about who or what God is, what does that mean for me?

Does this mean that I may come to the possible conclusion that God may not exist? I can’t even for a second let that thought enter in my mind. I just can’t. No. That would mean no afterlife. That would mean those that have passed on, I will never see again. Ever. I can’t accept that. That is something that I just can’t entertain. Well, at least right now.

So I’ve done some soul searching of my own. I did some research on a few other religions and the Bible as well and my outcome isn’t that far off from Bob McCue’s thoughts. Part of my problem is that I now approach religion with a skeptic mindset and that doesn’t help my quest for where God fits in my life. I didn’t intend for that to happen, it just did.

As of today, I believe in God. But I do know that God isn’t the interactive, personal God that Mormonism defines him as. I see God as a very “hands off” kind of God. So, in the end I guess that makes me agnostic of sorts. I imagine that my mind will definitely change in the future, but who knows.

Having to restructure your faith from a complete collapse of your former belief is very difficult. Most I know never fully reclaim a belief in God like they once did. I still don’t know where that leaves me; I guess time will tell.

2 comments:

JackUK said...

Hey Tom, you and I seem to be in a similar place right now. I define myself as an 'Enquiring Mormon Agnostic'. I keep my beliefs minimal because so many of the models that Mormonism gives us just no longer seem to make sense to me. However I can't shake off the feeling that there is purpose in this experience I'm going through, even though I'm not sure where the hell I am spiritually! I still feel there is a Supreme Being, and surprisingly I still feel a connection to the divine during the sacrament.

Maybe when I've figured things out I'll share my thoughts in a post somewhere...thats if I ever figure things out...

Tom Perry said...

Jack,

You should share your thoughts! I would love to hear them. And if you ever need a place to share, let me officially offer you a place/home right here. No pressure of course, but I think you could offer a very different perspective that would be helpful to many. Keep in touch!

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