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Letter From a Friend

There are a lot of things that would be nice to hear during those long days and dark nights in the middle of a faith crisis. If there is one thing that is often in short supply, it is the support of a loving friend whose bottom line is you and your well-being. if it were possible, each and every person walking down that lonely road ought to at least have one person who would pen a letter like this one.
This is for all of those who have faced this journey alone.

Hey there, my friend.

I hear life has been smacking you around a bit. Sounds like you are getting hit with the raw end of a whole lot of stuff.

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’m really sorry that life is so rough right now.

Of course I’ve heard about some of the things going on. You are not going to church anymore. In fact, I’ve been told that you have decided to leave the Church behind.

And there are rumors about more. Wagging tongues from all over the place are having a heyday with those rumors.

From my experience I have learned that the more sensational the rumor, the less veracity there is to it. As for those rumors, well, that’s really none of my business. I don’t need to know all of the details of what is going on. To be honest with you, I don’t really care anyway.

There are a few things that I do care about.

I care about you. I care about your family. I care about you being happy, being safe, and feeling loved.

The rest? None of the rest matters. That’s all anyone else should care about either. But you know that won’t happen. We both know that.

But, my dear friend, that’s okay. From the beginning of time, people have been too interested in whatever everyone else is doing. And they are really good at remembering all of the bad stuff. Nothing is quite as fresh in their memories as when you strike out seven times in a row.

But, hit one out of the park one time and they'll soon forget.

Again, it’s tough but at some point, it really doesn’t matter. It can’t matter. You have to let it go; let it slide. And no doubt, it is tough to do.


You’ve got to move past caring what other people think, and just concentrate on starting over. That’s one redeeming thing about humanity. We get do-overs. So, now, you are about to embark on a do-over. And it is going to be okay.


I’ve learned in my own life that eventually, the sun comes up again. Never fails. It will rise again in morning, even if things went to hell and back the night before. Also, soon what other people think will fade into the background a bit. What matters will rise to the surface.

And what matters is what you do with the rest of your life. And there is already so much you do, and do so well. What matters is being the good person that I know you are.

You are honest and you are kind. Loving your family is simply your nature. Helping others, reaching a hand out to lift someone up, these are all the things that make you who you are.

See? I told you. You’ve got what matters in the bag. The rest, well, the rest will find its way to an unmarked grave, which is where it belongs.

I know you probably don’t need a ton of advice, so I won’t try to give you too much. What I can say is this: You know where your love and support is found. You’ve got your family, your kids. You’ve got your real friends. You know you’ve got God to lean on too. And if God isn’t somebody you’re going to turn to anymore, well, that really doesn’t matter in the end. Believing isn’t for everybody.

Let go of anything that doesn’t support you. Life is too short to cling to that stuff anyway. And my friend, just like other people need to let go of the past, so do you.

So maybe there are some decisions that you would make differently now, if you could go back. But you have to forgive yourself for whatever it is you think you’ve done wrong. You have to be your own best friend.

Remember the Golden Rule? Do unto others as you would have done unto you? Well, there is a place for that within your own head. You’ve got to move forward. Forgive and leave all of the bad stuff in yesterday. Remember, this is a do-over. You get to go ahead, move on. The only way you can do that is when you are willing to do that for yourself.

And one more thing, believe in yourself. I do. I believe in you. Everything you need, you already have inside of yourself. Real friends, well, they’re going to believe in you too. You just make sure you keep that up for yourself.

Tomorrow will come, and the next day. And the day after that. Right now, what you have to worry about getting up again every morning. Don’t let this defeat you. You are going to make it, and one day, this will all be just a whole bunch of life lessons learned.

Let’s keep this in perspective. What you believe in is important. I get that. But it should not trump everything else you have built in your life. It won’t to me. So, you know, if you need a safe place to fall, if you need a home to come to, you have it here, with me. I love you, my friend, and that is really all that matters.

3 comments:

Debra Cooper-Stewart said...

Best letter ever? Yes.

Kaylanamars said...

wow! that was amazing. Thanks for sharing this one.

Just Zena said...

This was word-for-word what I needed to hear this very moment. Thank you. I'm in tears.

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who we are

Welcome to The Peacewriter.

We all want to belong somewhere, to someone. It is a basic human need.

If you have ever experienced a period of doubt or questioned your beliefs in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you know that this is not a minor thing. It is tantamount to a crisis, and one that can be life altering.

Lose your testimony, and you stand to lose everything that matters.

There are those who exist on the fringes of the Church, who feel disenfranchised, even unwanted. If you are single, gay or lesbian, feminist, atheist, or uncorrelated, it can be tough to feel like a part of the community. You may feel that you do not belong.

You belong here.

If you have ever loved someone who endured a faith crisis, you know that there are a lot of gray areas. Uncertainty is the dominant force; black and white become moot points.

Those who have walked the same path share a common bond, understood by few who have not traveled the same road.

This is the place to share common experiences, to find a voice, to be heard. This is the place to seek after peace, and to find it in the common ties we share.

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